HIDDEN TRUTHS REVEALED - PART 7

Back at home went to our family doctor who also was a member at church. After a thorough examination Lee’s diagnosis--mild anorexia. It might as will have been a foreign word--had never heard anything about it. My parents didn’t understand it and for a long time I blamed them for letting this happen and not doing anything about it before it reached this level, but there really wasn’t any information about it at that time. An eating disorder that can cause major health problems and where you are literally starving yourself to death. An issue not discussed with as much intensity as it is now or the impact generated after Karen Carpenter’s death in 1983. The “mild” slapped in front of it possibly because my weight wasn’t at a severe enough level. Lee referred me to a psychiatrist.

Had several therapy sessions with the shrink. My belief was that I had a fear of getting fat, but the doc said that was the cart before the horse and concluded that my fear was losing control. Yes, that made sense. Refused to take any medications so he sent me to another specialist who used hypnosis in his practice. It was an odd sensation--had always seen it done on TV shows or on one of those talk shows where someone will hypnotize a person to act like a duck or do some other ridiculous antic. Remember lying on a couch (yeah, that actually does happen) and focusing on a swinging oval shaped object. It’s like you’re awake and can hear everything being said. Can’t repeat verbatim all the doc said but the gist of it was that I could eat without any worries or anxieties. For a week ate without any hang-ups and felt like I had been released after years of being in solitary confinement. The doctor wanted to see me again to reinforce the procedure. This time everything was reversed, and I was back behind bars. Stopped going to therapy--just wasn’t doing any good.

Watched news stories, documentaries, and made-for-TV movies regarding anorexia or other types of eating disorders to get some insight on the subject matter and hopefully find a solution to my problem. The more I watched, the worse Mom thought I became but didn’t consider myself as bad as those televised and learned the extremes some will go to stay thin. One concept was the use of laxatives. Stomach cramps along with diarrhea--not something I’d want to do. Bulimia was on the opposite end of the spectrum. Shoveling insane amounts of food into the mouth and then spewing it out using self-induced methods. Let’s see--kneeling in front of the toilet, sticking a finger down your throat and puking your guts out until there is nothing left with the aftermath of a burning esophagus. Although loved the idea of eating lots of food especially the fats and sugars that were so limited in my daily intake, the vomiting aspect left a lot to be desired--hated it when I had the flu. It would appear that eating very little or exercising more than I consumed would be my MO.

(to be continued)