HIDDEN TRUTHS REVEALED - PART 11

While living in Austin I was fortunate to have worked over eight years at the health department with decent pay, great benefits and convenience store name hours--7 to 11 (both a.m., folks). Also attended a church that was considered by some the most liberal church of Christ in town. Went on a regular basis, meaning three times a week including monthly small group meetings on Sunday nights. Also had monthly potlucks after the morning service. It was difficult for me to do especially the small group. The Bible study was great but the problem was the “breaking of bread” time. Either told people I wasn’t hungry or ate very little. The truth--had to eat what was planned at home. It felt uncomfortable sitting with the others and not eating and wondered what they must be thinking. If I had eaten a significant amount it would create more angst than not so always chose the lesser of two evils. Rotated groups every year and after a few years Carl knew the stress it was causing so explained to the last leader the real reason we were dropping out of the group. It did add to my already low self-esteem. Fared better with the noon potlucks because Carl and I worked in the kitchen and I didn’t have to worry about appearances for not eating. Most people would think I belong in the loony bin. I know it sounds crazy; even more so as I write this.

Seem to have the textbook signs of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and its different forms--frequent worry thoughts (obsessions), use repetitive behaviors as a means to stop the worry thoughts (compulsions), rigid, inflexible, perfectionist, overly conscientious… (shall I go on?). Was going to write a separate blog and title it “Life of a Monk.” Monk not referring to a member of a religious order who lives in a monastery, but Adrian Monk, a former legendary San Francisco homicide detective with severe psychological disorders and obsessive-compulsive tendencies. A character portrayed by Tony Shalhoub on the USA network. Great show, but I digress.

When Jonathan was in fifth grade he attended the Christian school that was associated with our church. The school was ranked very high academically and Jonathan could also benefit from the Christ-centered environment. Jonathan made it through the first five years of public school but now much more was expected especially in the amount of homework given and the complexity of the assignments. Jonathan played on the flag football team but found it more exciting watching him play on the basketball team and thought he had potential. During one tournament I played scorekeeper--loved hitting that buzzer!

Had difficulty with one of the teachers regarding missing assignments but they were found in the midst of her mounds of paperwork. Of course, by that time Jonathan had been suspended from playing on the team for three weeks. Found out a coworker’s daughter also attended the same school, and he gave me an earful about the school’s unreasonableness and indifference. After being lied to by the principal, who happened to be one of the elder’s wives, we decided to put Jonathan back into public school. We also decided to stop going to church there and got fed up with this denomination and had no plans to step foot in another one again. Wish I could go back and rewrite that history. This could have been handled much better, and Jonathan wouldn’t have been the one to suffer. Doubt we would have ever moved, left church or the school, and Jonathan would have had the best education and life-long friends.

Year after year the diabetes ravaged inside Carl’s body. The numerous insulin reactions gradually effecting his mental capacity and the erratic blood sugars destroying his kidneys. After a few minutes of poking and prodding the nephrologist said Carl would have complete kidney failure within two years. Carl scoffed at the news and thought the doctor was a quack (another state of denial). Decided to return to California (or as some might say, run away).

(to be continued)