JEALOUSY DOES NOT BECOME YOU

Never considered myself envious of other people’s material possessions. Oh, it would be nice to have money to burn, but a majority of the rich and famous seem to have as many headaches as we commoners. Always said I could live in a broken-down hovel as long as there was a tennis court and lap pool. Mom would probably think I live in one now, sans the court and pool, and after the closet door almost falling off in my hand this morning and literally hanging by a thread, who am I to disagree.

There are a couple of things where jealousy rears its ugly head. My spirituality continues on a roller coaster ride and must admit to being envious of other people’s spiritual focus. Some appear to be so sincere and are moved by the moment. Some are very prayer oriented and really do pray unceasingly. Others study in great depth. How do they get to that point? Yes, while sitting in a church pew, Greg and other evangelical orators have said some things that tugged at my heart. Reading spiritually based books incite that bit of passion to make you decide to change a lifestyle or turn toward a better path, but for me it seems to diminish with time and soon forgotten. Except for certain classes or looking up a scripture or two, really haven’t read the Bible much in the last several years.

Many times I “forget” to pray. Now, how is that possible? Truth be told, just don’t take the time to pray, at least in the way most think prayer to be--the sit down, elongated version. While walking or in my car or in the shower, I’ll talk to God on a whim about people or circumstances that are on my mind, but not often enough. For a time didn’t think much of the concept of prayer but do know there is one person you can always go to any time and any place. You are never alone.

During the communion service, Chris spoke from the heart and like many others doesn’t need to make annual spiritual resolutions. Unfortunately, I’m not as lucky and decided this year to make a New Year’s resolution to read the Bible every day using one of those schedules. So far, so good and if I happen to miss, will make it up the next day. Still working on the prayer issue though. Guess it's all a matter of priorities.

It makes me sad (okay, jealous) when so many parents beam about their kids and their accomplishments. These children are well educated. They have spiritual purpose, moral convictions, or have devoted their lives to a missianic calling. They have great jobs. They have good impulses. Many who have known me for a little while are surprised to learn I have a 21-year-old son. Rarely talk about Jonathan and am ashamed to state that fact. My son is good looking, full of talent, has all the key ingredients of a recipe for success, but chooses not to use that potential. He takes the lazy route, and Jonathan will be the first to admit to his laziness. Don’t get me wrong, I love my son and would die for him, but happen not to like him sometimes. Most of it is disappointment, not just in him, but in myself as a parent, and the guilt… Parenting skills… yeah, another topic to write about.

Jonathan has always been strong-willed with a mind of his own who is going to do whatever he wants. And he has with many repercussions. Can’t blame Jonathan too much for the stubborn streak--the gene pool, you know. As a matter of fact, as an infant you couldn’t get Jonathan to take his medication unless Carl and Dad held him down. Now that’s stubbornness personified.

I am mindful that Jonathan experienced a tremendous loss at age 16 and realize it is affecting him more now than at the outset. Although I do admire Jonathan’s gutsiness, am hopeful he will find his way, and I can take what Chris said to heart--males go through an adjustment period between the ages of 17-27. All this aside, I know what was instilled in Jonathan and there is comfort knowing that he still believes in God.