Death of a Childhood Friend

Wednesday was a sad start to the holiday season. Found out my best friend while growing up passed away in September from cancer. It had been many years since I had seen Laura, but we communicated in writing periodically and then on a more regular basis by e-mail after my husband died almost five years ago. In April, Laura told me about the cancer and upcoming surgery. I kept sending e-mails to let her know that she was in my thoughts and prayers. Never received any replies but assumed Laura was recovering and not getting on the internet. Constantly wondered what was going on and should have mailed a note or better yet, called. I don’t remember ever talking to her on the phone since her family moved away from the biggest city in New Mexico about 40 years ago. (Laura was a preacher’s kid and you know how preachers move around.) Actually I’m not one to communicate by telephone but obviously should have made an exception.

Over the last few months I had an eerie feeling that something was terribly wrong and think deep down I was afraid to face that possibility. With the approaching holiday season and the thoughts of sending Christmas cards, I decided to send my friend a note. For whatever reason I looked up the obituaries of her hometown newspaper and there were those words I had dreaded--Laura had succumbed to cancer in September of this year. It’s hard to describe the feeling I had--devastated comes to mind. And guilt. Guilt for not finding out something sooner. Guilt for not being there for her. Guilt for not being able to tell Laura one last time how much I loved her. I knew she knew--we told each other many times before, but …

Forty years ago I felt devastated when Laura and her family moved away. I remember sitting in my room crying, feeling sad and all alone. Maybe that‘s the look meant by the saying, “You look like you’ve lost your best friend.” The same feelings are ringing true today and for the last four days; however, now I will no longer be able to write, send an e-mail, or even call. All I could do was express my sympathies to Laura’s husband and children and love to Laura’s mother, brother, and sister. Although separated by distance for many years, Laura never left my heart. Even in death, she will remain.

Don’t wait to tell the special people in your life, how much they mean to you.